The Creatures of the Night Classes

In the spirit of Halloween and the gloriousness of being a bum during the traditional fright feast that is Undas, let me list down the creatures of the night that could be more frightening or deadly than any ghoul, ghost or Sadako herself. And of course, I am referring to the Law School Professors, I’ve had plenty of them, and some of them still haunt me to this day. Some make your knees shake, some make your jaws drop, while the others, you do not see or feel, until a hatchet has been buried to your back.

The Spanish Inquisitor – this one needs no metaphor, they just strike fear just by their presence. Once the recitation begins, you think you’re freaking Galileo Galilee during the middle ages. Your knees shake, butterflies flutter in your stomach. Problem is, you can never really run away from them! You will eventually meet them and cross paths with them, it’s just the way the law school system works and framed. The scariest thing about them is that they smell fear, they are like the Nazgul of the Faculty of Law, they have a way of sniffing out among the students who did not study, and if you did, the parts you skipped; making them the Scariest Creature of the Night Classes. But I like the student’s feelings that comes with an announcement that the certain professor would not be coming to class; JUBILATION! Like the light of dawn in a Vampire movie. (Genuine vampire movies, not the Twilight bullshit)

Medusa- okay, I prefer Valentina. The professor that just stares at you at you turn to stone (in fear) Enough said.

Jigsaw- Hmmmm… From the Saw movies fame. Unlike the Nazi, he doesn’t murder you; he makes a way that you murder yourself (legally impossible) he makes these elaborate obstacles so that you may escape if you truly deserve it. How like our law school lives. Difficult exams, super long coverage, impossible to answer recitations and yes, the professor is asking for a limb or two for you to survive and surely, blood sweat and tears will flow…

The Misogynist – This is one professor I have encountered but was never bothered. And thank you God for my dick! This is one ghost that has a very, very particular/limited prey- women. (especially the ones that are teeming with estrogen!) These professors have either a dark past or a very colorful present – think Rainbow colors. Although their prey may be unified but their mode of attack is varied. Others on the clothing, others on the way these ladies speak. And these ladies do prepare. J{ust like an Aswang, who only attacks pregnant women.}

Sully and Mike Wazowski – these professors terrify you at the bone at first, but hey, in the end, you end up friends with them. It’s part of their charm, and perhaps their way of training you, scare you in the beginning and will eventually ease up on you… that is if you survive the scare stage.

Brutus – Although some of them reflect the physicality of the famous Popeye villain, but the Brutus I am referring here is the Shakespearean one. And yes, all law students feel like their Julius Caesar. It’s all smiles and laughter in the Senate, but once the grades come in, a dagger is stuck at your back. And you think “Et Tu Brutus?” You go back and remind yourself what went wrong or what you did wrong, let me give you a hint... NOTHING! It’s just their nature to make you think s/he is all cool and friendly but the moment they start grading the mask comes off. {Think a Tiyanak who lures you in with the crying baby act and once you pick them up, they attack you...in the neck no less!}

The Psycho – you just happen to be in a particular class at a particular difficult time in the life of your professor. And someone has to suffer… guess who?

The Nazi– the professor who has a certain standard that no one will ever, ever reach. Like the Jews will never be the “superior race” and anyone who fails to reach that certain, impossible standard will be subjected to labor that is over and beyond what is proper and eventually just kill them in the end anyway. These are mass murderers who can’t sleep at night if they do not fail any student. I tell you, what could be scarier than genocide?

Bieber- The artist is more annoying than scary, just like this kind of professor. Like the bowler he just throws that ball and sees which pins will fall. The Eenie Minie Mo grader. (now you see the bieber connection… would Sean Kingston be a better analogy?)

The Virgin Offeror- In no way, the sacrifice is truly a virgin, I mean, a virgin in law school is like, is like, a great Shake, Rattle and Roll movie, very, very few. But these professors always have a sacrificial lamb, some deserving, mostly not. That makes it even scarier. They just feel that a 100% shouldn’t just fly like that. So they always fail one or two students, that is depending on the mood. That feels like the movie Halimaw sa Banga, the Halimaw needs sacrifices to escape the Banga, and let me ask you -in my serious tone- is there any other creature from Philippine movies that is scarier than the Halimaw sa Banga? (fine, Zuma is an exception)


So there Happy Halloween Everybody!!!